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Wednesday, 3 August 2005
I Hate Crappy Movies
Now Playing: Indiscreet - Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman
Topic: Art and Poetry
One of the themes often discussed these days in entertainment news is the fact that fewer people are going to movie theaters. If you listen to people who make movies the great hue and cry is that it's downloading of movies that is causing the problems. Evil 'Pirates' they cry. This is nonsense of course, folks who are interested enough to download movies are the ones who go to those movies, crappy or not. They are the ones who buy the dvd's when they come out and they are the ones who are enthusiastic about new movie releases. Nope, people are not going to movies at the rate they used to for a number of reasons and one of them isn't downloaders.

So many reasons for not going to the movies. High ticket prices is one good reason to keep away from crowded theaters full of loud teenagers and crying babies. A five dollar bag of popcorn and a five dollar soda doesn't make a lot of friends either. And of course now they have a half hour commercial before the movie, followed by a few more commercials to include the stupid 'do not download' commercials which insult the intelligence of anyone with intelligence. A ticket for one person who also buys something to drink costs the same as buying the dvd a few months later. If I'm interested at all I'm waiting for the dvd.

Another thing that puts a foul taste in my mouth about the movies is that they have become as obnoxious and annoying as political campaigns. You can't escape hearing about the 'Dukes of Hazzard' movie and about every tiny aspect of Jessica Simpson's life right now. The publicity machine responsible for this crap continues to grind so that we hear about it on every news broadcast, entertainment news broadcast, print news and Internet news. Somehow half of the commercials include references to the movies via their tie-in promotions. It's practically inescapable. And annoying as hell. Presently I'm just waiting for Friday to come, like election day it means a certain kind of freedom from the constant barrage of crap and hype. Then the greatest movie ever made, the spectacular movie everyone has been waiting for can become the under performing piece of crap that it really is. And it can sink back down into the mire from which it came. And then of course the next movie hype for the next festering, steaming pile of horse manure can blot out the sun with everyone shilling it as the best thing since sliced bread. The problem for the movie makers is that the word gets out almost before the movie gets out. A piece of crap, no matter how many bubbling interviews with the cast by Entertainment Tonight will still be a piece of crap and everyone, with a click of their computer mouse will find out about it before going to the theater with their ten bucks a ticket in hand. So bombs don't even get to make their money back. Crap is no longer King. The jig is up and the ones who make crap aren't rewarded for their inability to make a good movie. Good. But still and all they will whine and scream and point the finger at anyone and everything rather than where it belongs. At themselves.

I like going over to Rotten Tomatoes here where I can watch graphically the rise and fall of the movies of crap. I especially enjoyed watching that steaming pile 'Stealth' drop to 11% liking the movie. I haven't seen a opinion level that low. I especially dislike Jessica Biel as I remember her being one of the horrific things wrong with Blade III. Her as a fighter pilot is as unbelievable as is the idea that Living Color comedian Jamie Foxx would or could be one. Right off the bat I know I'm never going to see this, rent it or buy it. Some things ooze a foul stench long before you even have a chance to read a review. In fact, the best part of this movie is reading the witty and derisive reviews of it.

And in keeping with the 'Dukes of Hazzard' theme here I can see on www.rottentomatoes.com that this movie has dropped to 'rotten' and continues to fall. Another stinker. What a surprise.

Posted by gilbert davis at 11:22 AM EDT
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